Remember His Faithfulness

As I was reading through the gospels about the last week of Jesus’ life, I found myself struck by His words to His disciples as He was praying in the garden before His arrest…”Pray, that you may not enter into temptation.”  Then, He went off by Himself to pray and when He returned to where they were supposed to be praying, Luke says that “He found them sleeping from sorrow, and said to them, ‘Why are you sleeping?  Get up and pray that you may not enter into temptation.’” (Luke 22:40, 44-46)

I always read (or, I guess, skimmed) over this part of the Easter story thinking that the disciples were tired from such a long day.  Here Jesus goes, wanting to pray again.  (I know that I’m the only person in the world that misses out on prayer time, because I get busy, or fall asleep, or I’d rather do something else…like find out what’s going on on facebook…I know I ‘m the only Christian that’s majorly flawed in this area.)

But, this time, as I read the story again, I found it very interesting that Jesus found His disciples sleeping from sorrow…not from weariness or fatigue…but, from sorrow. 

As I started to think about it, I began to imagine how deeply grieved the disciples must have become.  Jesus had just told them of His impending death.  They had been following Him for quite a while, and developed deeply personal relationships with Him.  Maybe they were questioning whether or not they had really been following the Messiah, or if it had all been in their heads…even though they had witnessed Him healing the sick, feeding the multitudes, casting out demons, raising the dead.  I’m sure they were full of lots of questions at this moment.

Then, I began to think about how often I have found myself in that same position.  Maybe I’m hopeful that I’m about to enter a new season that I’ve believed for, only to figure out that I’m still in the season of waiting, and the future begins to look dim to me.  My hopes are dashed and I temporarily forget about how faithful God has been to me in the past (all of the times that He has provided for me, spoken to me, healed my emotional pain, etc.).  So, I fall asleep in my faith.  I begin to look at what I’ve not received, instead of remembering all of the things that I have received from Jesus.  This, then, leads into temptation to go about things my own way.

Jesus, I’m quite sure, was not at all surprised to find them sleeping. But He gave them a solution, along with a reminder of what He had recently said to them.  “Get up and pray that you may not enter into temptation.”  Or…in my human interpretation… “I see your sorrow and disappointment.  Pray and listen for His direction, so that the enemy does not lead you into sin.”

I’m so thankful that Jesus is nothing like us.  We’re so quick to get angry, when we’ve done so much for someone and they act like it’s nothing. 

It amazes me that Jesus remains so faithful to us, even when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13).  He proves Himself to us over and over again.  Why?  Because He loves us with a love that we cannot possibly grasp (1 Corinthians 13).

Jesus cares about every single thing that burdens us.  In fact, we’re told in 1 Peter 5:6-8 to humble ourselves before God and cast our cares on Him, because He cares for us.  We’re warned that the devil is prowling about, like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

Thankfully, Jesus was not just arrested and crucified.  He rose from the dead, just as He had promised (much to His disciples astonishment) and is ALIVE today!  So, no matter how loud the enemy may be, with his accusations of what Jesus hasn’t done for you yet…let Jesus’ amazing love and faithfulness be louder. When you find yourself in a place of discouragement, remember all that He has done for you (Psalm 103:1-5).  You can’t help rejoicing, as you remember.

A Valentine's Day Special

Today is Valentine's Day.  A day that  cheesy (and quite unrealistic) jewelry commercials say is "about how much I love us."  It's a day that is supposed to celebrate twu wuv and happiness.  But, in the past, I've felt on this great day that my utter singleness is put under a magnifying glass for all to see and judge.  (Seriously though...I know I'm not quite THAT important.)

All of that said...on this Valentine's Day, I am finding myself in awe of God, the loving Father who will never leave us or forsake us.  I'm having to watch a dear friend walk through the darkest moment of her life.  But, thankfully, she knows that she is not alone.

It honestly astounds me that she is able to walk through her circumstancs with dignity and grace in the midst of persecution and judgement that is completely undeserved.  But, God is with her, through it all, reminding her of His own persecution and judgement that was undeserved.

All of this brings me back to look at how I got through my own dark hour.  It was not my strength or will that brought me through, but my loving Father who carried me through.  There were so many things that God taught me in the midst of the grief...things that have made me see life differently and love God more than I ever was able to before.

One thing in particular comes to mind today that I think should be shared.  A few years after the tragedy in my own life came, I was worshiping God at a conference with thousands of people.  The worship leader was singing "Show Me Your Glory" over and over again.  The Presence of God was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. 

I began to ask God to break my heart for what breaks His.  In my finite (and selfish, might I add) mind, I was expecting God to give me a love for a specific nation or for something that I would find myself doing in the future.  Instead, He spoke 7 words to me that I will never forget and that changed my life. 

He said, "My heart broke when your heart broke."

Wait a minute, God's heart broke over me and my grief? Seriously?

And with that, I caught a glimpse of the Father's heart that I had never seen before.  Just as a loving parent's heart breaks when their child is suffering, God's also breaks...and even more, because we can't possibly love as much as He loves.

I don't believe that those words that He spoke to me that night were just meant for me.  He loves us all with the same incredible love.

He isn't a God that is waiting for His children to just get over things that happen.  He carries us through and gives us beauty instead of ashes, gladness instead of mourning, and the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting [Isaiah 61:3].  He is a good, loving, and perfect Heavenly Father.

So, today, I'm celebrating my relationship with Him.

The Biggest and Best Decision I'll Ever Make

I grew up going to church almost every Sunday.  When I was in high school, I helped my mom teach Sunday School.  In college, I lived the life that almost every college student lives...get through school Monday-Thursday, and party Thursday-Saturday (and all that comes with it).  I thought I was a Christian.  After all, I was a good person, I grew up in church, and I knew about Jesus.

The summers before my Junior and Senior years in college, I went on a humanitarian-type missions trip to the Appalachian mountains to help impoverished families fix up their homes.  I thought that I was making my steps toward Heaven.  Little did I know that not only is there no "stairway to Heaven," but I was also not a Christian (Ephesians 2:1-10, Gal 2:15-17, James 2:19).

On the missions trip to Appalachia that I attended the summer before my senior year, God gripped my heart with the reality that there was so much more to life than what I was living.  I made a decision on that trip, that when I returned to ECU, I would volunteer somewhere and serve in some way.  As I started my senior year, I felt compelled to start going to a campus ministry meeting.  I went to one, but never went back because I was taking a Spanish class at night that ended right before the ministry started.  I felt like it was too much.  So, I started seeking out volunteer opportunites.  But, the Volunteer Orientations were at the same time that I was in class.  So, I decided to just forget about it...it just wasn't meant to be

One night, as I left my job on campus, I walked through a group on the mall holding a carnival.  Carrie, one of the girls that lived on my hall my Freshman year was there, and she stopped me.  She persistently asked me to come to a campus ministry meeting the next week.  I told her that I would, and left, thinking that even though I really didn't want to go, I had to honor my word.

So, the next week, I was sitting in my apartment waiting on a friend to call me and tell me about what was going on that night (it was Thursday night, after all).  It was the same night that I had promised to attend the campus ministry meeting.  I didn't want to go, and almost stayed home...but something compelled me to go.

When I got to the meeting, I realized that it was much smaller than the one that I had attended earlier.  As the music started, I started to get really uncomfortable.  I had grown up in a traditional church that sang hymns...this music that they were playing was wierd.  Not only that, but people had their hands raised and their eyes closed.  Some were clapping.  All I could think about was how embarrassed I would be if one of my friends walked by and saw me in there.  I wanted to leave, but I didn't want to be rude to Carrie, so I stayed.

In the middle of one of the songs, I heard God's voice for the first time saying, "Why can't you praise My name?"  At that point, I broke.  I tried to control my weeping, but couldn't at all.   I found myself so ashamed about the fact that I was too embarrassed to sing to God.  To make matters worse, even after the songs ended, I continued to weep.  During the sermon, Carrie asked me if I wanted to talk afterwards.  So, after the service was over, I sat down with the campus minister and Carrie.

They shared the gospel with me, and it was as if I had never heard it before.  They were talking about how Jesus loved me and desired to have a relationship with me.  The only way that I could come into a relationship with Him was if I repented of my sin and turned to God.  When they asked me if I wanted to make Jesus the Lord of my life and to come into relationship with Him, I told them that I didn't want to accept Christ because I was worried about what my friends would think...yes, I know, I was STILL worried about that...even after God had supernaturally stepped into my world and had chosen to speak to me!


But, needless to say, by the end of our conversation, I had recognized the reality that if I didn't accept Him into my life that day, it meant that I was rejecting Him and all that He accompished for me on the cross.  So, I repented and came into a relationship with Christ that night. 

Because of my decision to follow Christ and my desire to please Him, I stopped doing the things that God wasn't pleased with.  I did lose almost every single one of the friends that I had, because I was no longer partying like I used to, but I gained so much more than I ever imagined possible.  I went from an extremely shy and insecure girl to a woman that has found her security and identity in Christ. 

Jesus is just as alive today as He was 2000 years ago, before His crucifixion.  He has changed me, and He can do the same for anyone else out there that is willing to allow Him to become Lord of their life.  In the 10 years that I've been a Christian, I have found myself amazed by the power and love of God as He has moved in my life and in others' lives around me.  He is a good, faithful, amazing, loving Father that still today heals the sick, gives sight to the blind, raises the dead, makes people whole, and cares about you and your situation!